sooooooooo happy

he said im his sweet special girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

<3

AMAZZIINNGGG SHOOPPING TODAY!!!!

Today i went to kohls and bought 7 new shirts and a new dress for only 20 $$ total today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how amazing is that????

abdominal migraines

so the dr. said i most likely have abdominal migraines and this is what that means


Abdominal migraine, to put it as simply as possible, is involves pain in the abdomen, even when there's no headache. Typically, the pain lasts about two hours, but anywhere from 1-72 hours. Between attacks, things are fine. Sometimes there are other symptoms, such as nausea and/or vomiting, sensitivity to light, irritability, diarrhea, loss of appetite, headache (though not always) or the patient may become flushed or pale. Sometimes there are dark shadows under the eyes.

Abdominal migraine is very rare in adults. Most patients are children, especially those between the ages of 5 and 9. The child may be much younger than that - it's hard to know because children may not be able to express how they feel.

goin to the Dr. yet again

Today im going to the G.I. specialist and in english that means its a special upper stomach dr. lol. i've had stomach pains for about 2 years now. i have missed about 16 days of school this semester.
im really not happy about going to this dr. they might scope my stomach which only freaks me out a whole lot
were going to have them check me for crones disease.... im not sure what it really is but it must not be good if its some kind of disease
im sure today will go just fine though

i will let u all know what happens as soon as i get home

love is the slowest form of suicide

wow this boy makes me crazy! i love him soo much

Marriage???

So me and my man were talkin the other night and ahh he said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me!!! what he wants cant happen right now... bc were too young and plus there are some things in the way of that too.
i cant wait for..............

ahh love is both amazing and horrible at the same time haha

i love that boy so much

dr

i have to go to the g.i. specialist. they are going to scope my stomach.

im tired of being sick all the time

no more pain. no more tears

im scared out of my mind to go but ahhhh i want to be all better

is my worst fear coming true

im so scared right now
going to the dr tomorrow
hoping nothing is wrong

BRITT IS COMING TO VISIT ME

BRITT IS COMING TO VISIT ME DEC 27TH TILL THE 31RST

I CANT FREAKIN WAIT ITS GOING TO BE
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO
AMAZING!!!!!!!!!

ha im def excited

life

life is freakin stupid right now

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

drama needs to stop GROW UP

Boom Boom Boom

I'm just going crazy being in this house! I need to get out of here right now! but cant because im sick yet again
Got new high heels and dang they are flipping SEXY!!!!
new skinny jeans to go with them too
and i wont lie i feel pretty sexy when i wear them hahahahahahahaha

Life is taking a weird path right now lol

waiting for the ..........

im waiting for the ring on my finger! i love him soo much!

he makes my life amazing!!!!

i hate her sooo much

i hate her so much! all she does is lie!!!
i wanna hit her everytime i see her and i see her almost everyday!
what she doesnt realize is she pissing off the wrong girl
ughhhhh this is retarded

SENIOR PICS

HERE ARE JUST A FEW OF MY FAVE SENIOR PICS. there will be more. im doing seasonal so there will be some when it snows and then some more in the spring! heather pack is an amazing photographist
comment por favor lol

being a senior is rockin ur world

so heather pack took some of my senior pics yesterday i will put them up as soon as i get them

why again michelle do i do this blog?

grrr i thought those two were my friends but no. just bc i love in a different state its like they cant care about me. what the hellabit is wrong with people? even if i am a thousand miles away i still have feelings
whats the point of this blog? how do i even know if anyone reads it?

so i finally died my hair dark brown and i love it!
got a boyfriend who is amazing but just to forewarn u dont ask me who he is bc i wont tell u haha its a secret from everyone :D
this wednesday im doing some senior pics and heather pack is taking them.

Baha the new me that no one likes hahaha

If u dont like the way i am. leave! but u know what u need me more than u know!!!!!!!!

stupid freakin people dont realize im the best thing in their lives

BBBBBBaaaahhhhhhaaaaaaa i like my new hair and makeup and if u dont well guess what?? I DONT CARE haha
just got to dye my hair dark brown and it will be complete

why do i even bother

I dont know why i even bother. jeese i have to get everyones approval before i can even be with him... stupid stupid stupid

im homesick

new love in my life

a secret lover
a secret adoration
the secret he wont let go
secretly i know he doesnt ever want to let me go

Every kiss gets sweeter
every hug becomes more important
every time the words pass through his lips
"i love you"
my heart has to be shocked back into life

Life brings me down a lot
but he pushes me right back up
i count down the days till i can be with him again

I love him MORE than u could ever understand
More than u will ever know
He is My world and im not about to share
He is my super man

new relationship

i cant decide whether i should go back to blonde and red or stay dark brown lol which one should i do???

so i have a new boyfriend and he is amazing!!!!

its crazy lol

life

im already down on the ground crying and screaming for death so you might as well kick me while im down

SURFING AND SINGING oh baby baby

so im going to cali to go to the beach hopefully within this month and im going to LEARN TO SURF oh ya baby lol
right now im practicing singing the star spangled banner in my own jazzy version so i can do the auditions for school choir and maybe hopefully do show choir

Now i get my chance to prove it

so i am getting my chance again to show someone i deserve them.

life is just crazy.

urbandale sucks-NOT A BIG SURPRISE THERE lol

me and joe are going to homecoming together as friends. im excited about that

MY mind thinks only of him

His kiss so soft and sweet.
his hugs so warm and secure
being in his arms i felt security
i lose myself in his piercing eyes...

i miss him every second of every hour of every day
the burning, stabbing, ripping pain in my chest grows more devastating every day
the tears grow in size and in consistency
i dont eat
i wont sleep
i dream beautiful nightmares of him

I wait for him to return
press play on my life
i teeter on the thought of death
he is my angel of death

My love continues to grow
the pain taking over my entire mind and body
i miss my best friend
i miss the world i was comfortable in
i deserve him

i just lost the most amazing person in my life

joe broke up with me last night. i dont know why. he said he needed a break because he couldnt handle things.

things were perfect i just dont get it

i cant stop crying.

i really miss him. its killin me to know he isn't mine anymore

i guess i never really deserved him. he should have better than me.

Ugghhhh Urbandale High School

so i unfortunately have to go to skurbandale im going to graduate as a gayhawk how bad does that suck???

whatever though i guess it will be amazing bc i will be with megan, camilla, emily, spencer, duncan and lots of other kids i know

Big mamma said im not allowed to get into any fights this year, if she has to come and get me from the school i had be either dead or dying haha. she just cracks me up. but im not going to fight anymore....... well im going to try very hard not to. i cant promise anything bc i have a feeling that its going to get ugly at the football games bc of some old drama issues that haven't been resolved

this wednesday

ok so this wednesday is me and joes second month anniversary, i love every second i get to be with him

ITS AMAZING

I'm BACK lol

ok so i moved back to iowa i have been back since wednesday and I LOVE IT lol

the phone call

This morning emily called me and said her mom wanted to talk to me. so i started talking to heather pack and she asks me if i want to come back to iowa and stay with their family. she called to get brother oviatts number and said that they were leaving utah today and was going to ask if them if i could catch a ride home with them.

i have been hoping everyday since i left iowa that god would bless me and send me back. my dad thinks that if i go i will just forget about him and when he said that it felt like a knife had been stabbed through my heart. Im not like that and if anyone says that i am well then they are just a moron. and they obviously dont know me.

so i may be coming to iowa either today or in september.

They say God only gives us trials we can handle..... im not so sure about that right now

You know i have always been taught that heavenly father gives us trials we can handle. well the one im trying to crawl my way through i just dont know if i can handle it.
i was given the option of moving back to iowa. its like satan is toying with the thing i hold most dear to me. the people i love the most (other than mom and tanner) live there. Ughh i dont know what to do. i pray everyday for me to go back to iowa to live there and its like just cause things are bad right now i cant tell if heavenly father is trying to tell GO BACK TO IOWA RIGHT NOW or if satan is like well her life is hell lets just mess with her a little more.
I dont want to live with either of my parents. since im living with my dad i feel horrible bc my mom and bro probably feel like i just ran out on them. its not the case at all. i had a feeling i should go with my dad and so i did.

IM SICK OF BEING HURT, IM SICK OF CRYING, IM SICK OF BEING SOO ANGRY WITH EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. im sick of being let down

and im really sick of being alone, feeling like no one in the world cares about me. i just dont know what to do anymore.

im at the final end of the road.....

you know its hard to believe that things just get worse sometimes

so i just found out i might not be able to come out to iowa next week

i dont know whether to be mad, or sad. like i have been crying all freaking day long

whatever if i cant go then i will buy my own ticket and come out well once i get a job lol

but im talking to joe so thats a plus haha

i really love him

SO MUCH ANGER

i have so much anger building up its ridiciliouss. im really just done with everything and everyone. UGHHHHH i just wanna scream or hit something or someone lol

stupid life, stupid parents, stupid utah. stupid

im just in a stupid mood today haha atleast im not saying dumb

what purpose do i serve in life cause if i dont have one then i dont want to go through this

the break up

so my parents split up, and me and my dad are now living in cedar city utah
a lot of things are happening fast and to be honest i dont really know how i feel
i have a lot of anger, depression and confusion and its building up and i feel bad for the person who is going to piss me off because im a bomb waiting to explode.
so cedar city is a little po dunk redneck town haha. they have one walmart, and NO MALL what am i going to do.
my great uncle gwaine lives here and so sunday i went to his ward and the sunday school class im in there are 9 kids in..... did i mention they are all boys! haha typical huh lol
and im pretty much the only active laurel but in sunday school it was funny i was asking the guys if they were going to the stake dance this saturday and they all stopped and looked at me and said well are u going??? and i was like do i have to and they all like freaked and said i had and they made me promise them i would go haha. i told them it would be weird cause i dont know anyone and i would be sitting there all by myself and they all jumped on the opportunity and they all said they would stay with me the whole dance. it was hilariouss and i was asking them what they do for fun out here and they sat there and told me and they told me next time they do anything they would love for me to hang out with them. they were all like drooling over me it was soooo funny

i start my senior year of high school i think august 14th....ughhh not excited. but the sooner i get started the sooner it will be over and then i will move back to iowa and be with the people who love me for who i am

i want everyone who reads this to know i love them with all my heart and that each of you have individually made the largest impact in my life and i need ur love and friendship now more than ever!

one month anniversary

ok so yesterday was joe and my one month anniversary out of the whole month we have been "dating" lol i have only actually been able to see him 2 of the 4 weeks. but i got to talk to him last night and that makes me feel alot better

My summer vaca so far

Ok, so my summer before my senior year has been amazing! the first 3 weeks of summer i spent in iowa. i spent the time with all my amazing friends i grew up except jessica and michelle which is such a bummer bc i really miss u two!!! but i also made some new great friends like abbie and oliver smith, and clayton and joe. Joe came to the airport at 1145 at night to come and see me! he made those 3 weeks even more amazing! we started dating while i was there and this is probably going to sound weird or funny but me and joe are perfect toghether!
im coming back to iowa July 22nd for a week to do my senior pics and holy mama im so excited i cant stand it

AHHHH IM IN IOWA

ok so i have been in iowa for about 2 weeks now and i love it!!!!!!!!!!!!

IOWA HERE I COME

One week from tomorrow and i will be in iowa, the place that i love the most, the place where my greatest friends live, except for michelle-texas holds a great place in my heart too ;)

details about prom

Oh my goodness ok so prom was sooooooooooo AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
for our day date, we did on friday and everyone came to my house and we watched a movie on a projector in my bakc yard, it was fun. after the movie we went cosmic bowling, we had to wait for like an hour or so to get a lane but once we did it was soo much fun. Justin kept talkin trash about how he was going to beat me soo bad but ofcourse i killed him in both games. cause im just great like that lol
So saturday we went to a mexican resturaunt called on the border, which its totally just a casual placea so everyone was staring at us... thats always fun lol. Then we went to the dance. we were one of the first people there... and ofcourse jake parks next to this car where two lesbians were suckin each others faces off.... im totally scared for life!!!!!
But we still had the greatest time ever!!!! our pics are pretty cute!
ohhh at church the next day i wore my dress and i was the only one who went to queen creeks prom so everyone in my ward was staring at me i felt like a complete freak of nature lol
but ahhh it was amazing!!! here are some of the pics that we took at my house!!

PROM!!!

ahhh i have prom this saturday and im SUPERLY EXCITED!!!!!!!!!! i will have lots of pics so dont worry after prom i will put them up.
as of today it is me and justins 6 month anniversay!!!
ahhh life is gettin a lot better now!!! yay lol

uggghhhh

me and tanner just got into an argument and he got up in my face and started yellin so i pushed him and he cheaped shot me and so i smacked him back right in the face and he yelled at me tellin him to get the heck of of him but said he.... you get the point.
my mom didnt even do anything, she encouraged him and then started yelling at me!
i wish i just had someone to love me like a mom should, i wish i had a family that acted like a family should.
i want to runaway, i never want to come back.
i need help

hmmmmmm

ahhhhhhhh im sooooooo excited all i have to do is pick the dates and im coming to iowa, im coming home to see the people i love!!!!!!!!!!!
im so excited i could pop like a balloon
but ya im going to prom with justin :D
lots of dresses i love but i havent picked one out yet lol

arizona is the closest thing to hell

I hate Arizona with a passion!!! If only things would have stayed the same, the lies said to me runied my life. how could he, i trusted him!!!!!HE MOVED ME AWAY FROM A PLACE I LOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but whatever it looks like my friends moved on and are happy, i guess im the only one stuck in the past

there isnt a day or night that goes by where i dont pray with all my heart to go back, but i guess i dont deserve it enough.

i want things for once just to go right, no more crying, no more depression, no more of anything, lock me into my closet and lead me to my place of death.

Utah Vacation

Here are just a few pics from my spring break!! i went to Clearfield, Utah, my hometown. to go and visit family. my cousins are absolutely adorable!!! i love it

MORP

k so i went to morp and here are some pics to show ya how it went lol

and yes i had a mowhaw, the theme was neon phenominon so umm ya it was pretty much 80's.... and yes they had mowhawks in the 80's

my zoo trip!

so saturday i went to the pheonix zoo for my very first time it was so amazing and i learned i have an undying love for TURTLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

they are comin back

we talked last night, just like we used to before everythin happened.........

last night i was again visited by the sweet but yet haunting memory of it all. How my heart bleeds to know that i cant reach out to touch him or kiss him.

i miss him every moment of my life but if im not what makes him happy then i guess i wont ever be good enough for him
i still love him, i cant get over the butterflies i get thinkin about him