this wednesday

ok so this wednesday is me and joes second month anniversary, i love every second i get to be with him

ITS AMAZING

I'm BACK lol

ok so i moved back to iowa i have been back since wednesday and I LOVE IT lol

the phone call

This morning emily called me and said her mom wanted to talk to me. so i started talking to heather pack and she asks me if i want to come back to iowa and stay with their family. she called to get brother oviatts number and said that they were leaving utah today and was going to ask if them if i could catch a ride home with them.

i have been hoping everyday since i left iowa that god would bless me and send me back. my dad thinks that if i go i will just forget about him and when he said that it felt like a knife had been stabbed through my heart. Im not like that and if anyone says that i am well then they are just a moron. and they obviously dont know me.

so i may be coming to iowa either today or in september.

They say God only gives us trials we can handle..... im not so sure about that right now

You know i have always been taught that heavenly father gives us trials we can handle. well the one im trying to crawl my way through i just dont know if i can handle it.
i was given the option of moving back to iowa. its like satan is toying with the thing i hold most dear to me. the people i love the most (other than mom and tanner) live there. Ughh i dont know what to do. i pray everyday for me to go back to iowa to live there and its like just cause things are bad right now i cant tell if heavenly father is trying to tell GO BACK TO IOWA RIGHT NOW or if satan is like well her life is hell lets just mess with her a little more.
I dont want to live with either of my parents. since im living with my dad i feel horrible bc my mom and bro probably feel like i just ran out on them. its not the case at all. i had a feeling i should go with my dad and so i did.

IM SICK OF BEING HURT, IM SICK OF CRYING, IM SICK OF BEING SOO ANGRY WITH EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. im sick of being let down

and im really sick of being alone, feeling like no one in the world cares about me. i just dont know what to do anymore.

im at the final end of the road.....

you know its hard to believe that things just get worse sometimes

so i just found out i might not be able to come out to iowa next week

i dont know whether to be mad, or sad. like i have been crying all freaking day long

whatever if i cant go then i will buy my own ticket and come out well once i get a job lol

but im talking to joe so thats a plus haha

i really love him

SO MUCH ANGER

i have so much anger building up its ridiciliouss. im really just done with everything and everyone. UGHHHHH i just wanna scream or hit something or someone lol

stupid life, stupid parents, stupid utah. stupid

im just in a stupid mood today haha atleast im not saying dumb

what purpose do i serve in life cause if i dont have one then i dont want to go through this

the break up

so my parents split up, and me and my dad are now living in cedar city utah
a lot of things are happening fast and to be honest i dont really know how i feel
i have a lot of anger, depression and confusion and its building up and i feel bad for the person who is going to piss me off because im a bomb waiting to explode.
so cedar city is a little po dunk redneck town haha. they have one walmart, and NO MALL what am i going to do.
my great uncle gwaine lives here and so sunday i went to his ward and the sunday school class im in there are 9 kids in..... did i mention they are all boys! haha typical huh lol
and im pretty much the only active laurel but in sunday school it was funny i was asking the guys if they were going to the stake dance this saturday and they all stopped and looked at me and said well are u going??? and i was like do i have to and they all like freaked and said i had and they made me promise them i would go haha. i told them it would be weird cause i dont know anyone and i would be sitting there all by myself and they all jumped on the opportunity and they all said they would stay with me the whole dance. it was hilariouss and i was asking them what they do for fun out here and they sat there and told me and they told me next time they do anything they would love for me to hang out with them. they were all like drooling over me it was soooo funny

i start my senior year of high school i think august 14th....ughhh not excited. but the sooner i get started the sooner it will be over and then i will move back to iowa and be with the people who love me for who i am

i want everyone who reads this to know i love them with all my heart and that each of you have individually made the largest impact in my life and i need ur love and friendship now more than ever!

one month anniversary

ok so yesterday was joe and my one month anniversary out of the whole month we have been "dating" lol i have only actually been able to see him 2 of the 4 weeks. but i got to talk to him last night and that makes me feel alot better